for the past few months, i've been getting these odd text messages from a complete stranger. i would've assumed it was a case of dialing the wrong number but this guy kept texting me despite my constant negative responses to his corrupted visayan dialect. i simply have no idea who he is and i can't understand a single thing he writes me.
this morning, while i kept battling the morning sun from ruining my sleep, my cell phone rang.
for the first two minutes we just kept exchanging hello's. he kept speaking in this weird visayan language while i was still in a semi-conscious disposition. thank god he finally realized that i only spoke tagalog. anyway, to make the long story short - this guy was completely convinced i was his cousins arnulfo. his names tony and he lives in calipornia. strange.
Friday, November 8, 2002
06:47 a.m.
i went thru my old stuff yesterday. i need to change. i decided to throw out most of it. i have to stop being a rat pack. anyhow, poring over my old things last night i re-discovered this:
someone slipped on a cassette as the one you wanted left with someone else but somehow it was cool because as the music filled the shadows, you heard a sound that was a million miles away from fakery and a step away from your heart.
just like it always did, this sound puts the sway back into your step, the rush into your blood but somehow, and i don't know how, they had become deeper, wider, soulful and better at their craft, inspired by so many things, like a world that is tilting who knows where and the applause they always knew was theirs but waited so impatiently to receive.
words cut you from all angles, backed up by a monumental sound that rises high, high and high to crash against your rocks and then changes, majestically and magically to soothe the wounds inside.
as you are drugged inside on this trip abandon, you hear a council estate singing its heart out, you hear the clink of loose change that is never enough to buy you what you need, boredom and poverty, hours spent with a burnt out guitar, dirty pubs and cracked up pavements, violence and love, all rolled into one, and now all this.
at the end you flip over and start again because now you are not isolated. they have gone to work so that you can go home. high above the day turns pink and you feel your feet lift above the ground as new roads open up in front of you.
in this town the jury is always rigged but the people know. they always know the truth. believe. belief. beyond. their morning glory.
i want my muse back.
Thursday, November 7, 2002
07:37 p.m.
are twins, or lovers, or while we're at it since i don't know how they're matched up either, figure skating partners, two halves of one thing or two versions of the same thing?
Thursday, November 7, 2002
09:02 a.m.
my life as a search engine. look what i came across this morning. that's right, the ryan i've been trying to hook up with my friend apples has popped up in an online magazine. the one i used to work for in fact. to think just the other day he was asking me to help him set camp with another tv network. but hot damn, i don't think he'll be needing my help anytime soon. publicity, no matter how little, is still publicity and looks like he's getting some right now.
Monday, November 4, 2002
09:28 p.m.
so i was hanging out at my mom's office this afternoon on a rainy monday afternoon, just enjoying the rain dancing in front of me when i had this weird urge to search for my name in google.
too funny. this is what google threw back at me. oh i'm so popular! haha. ;P
all i can say is, i'm not the one bitching and moaning in my online journal about people i met in yahoo chat at the age of twenty six years old.
can you say "get a life?" ;)
Sunday, November 3, 2002
08:03 a.m.
i suppose i should talk about it now. that halloween gig went pretty well. trinia's best friend catoy had a big halloween event at her office and called us up if we'd like to set up a little tarot card reading area at the office. since this was my initiation and since i'd never refuse money, i allowed catoy to sell my reading skills that evening to her corporate minions for a minimum of $1 a pop. not bad considering most of them were willing to pay double. but egad! i must've read about twenty people that night. normally, a professional reader would only read an average of eight people simply because it really IS exhausting. talk about marathon tarot card readings.
one thing i noticed though was how most of the people i read were women. about 70% women, 20% gay men and only 10% straight men wanted to be read. of course most of them asked the standard questions, "will i find my true love?", "have i met the one?", "will i be able to travel?", "is this the job for me?" blah blah blah. i know a lot of people think that this is all mumbo jumbo, like i'm messing with people's minds but i'd like to think that we're the oldest therapists in the world. people flock to us for advice, to vent their spleen and express their fears while we listen and ponder the best way we can help them. there is honor in this kind of profession, i believe. people come to us as their last resort. when they've run out of answers, we offer a glint of light for their darkened hearts. i take pride in that. it's not easy to lead a man out of despair and walk them into hope.
the only downside to all of this is sometimes the experience can be like treading on thin ice. they will believe anything you tell them.
Saturday, November 2, 2002
09:11 p.m.
i was looking over some of the member pages on here and well, what is up with all these quizzes? what kind of sexy girl are you? what color aura do you have? what kinda breed of dog are you? how stupid are you??? either they have too much time on their hands or they haven't got anything else to say. or maybe they're just vain and self-absorbed (a big prerequisite for a blogger i suppose. after all, why would you publish an online journal if you weren't any of those things?) and these juvenile and impertinent quizzes is one way of letting the whole world know just how starved you are for attention.
as for me, i already know i am needy. i don't need to shove personality quiz results at other people's faces to support that. d'you know what i mean?
Friday, November 1, 2002
09:57 p.m.
mush : i have a dog who is half chow and half shepherd
me : so?
mush : he has problems with his identity and people profile him
me : as what?
mush : they think he will attack because chows are known to be agressive but he wants a chance to define himself and he says that people don't understand his sociological place in society.
me : you talk to your dog?
mush : sure. he says he only acts like a dog because that is how people treat him and because he is a shepherd. they often call him a nazi dog. he doesn't like that because the SS killed puppies as part of their ritual.
me : oh really. is this written down in history?
mush : yes, they raised a puppy and then killed it as a sign of alliegance to the Fuhrer.
me : well, what do you intend to do? are you going to help him?
mush : sure i am going to make sure that people are aware of his issues. people say he is racist but my dog can't be becaue he is colorblind. he can only see in black and white.
me : arent u a racist? like master like dog.
mush : oh. not a racist. i am blind. can't see.
me : right. so how would u profile me?
mush : you are good sometimes but you have a poor disposition by instinct. filipinos originated from africa for the most part. they were pygmies. the pygmies lacked significant stature so they had to hunt in groups because of this the women were often left at home and developed a seperate culture. they drank each other's breast milk to put it plainly. because of this women developed ranking based on the sourness of their breast milk and that is why asian women have small tits and aren't to happy about it thus the poor disposition...
Thursday, October 31, 2002
07:11 p.m.
my lesbian-in-denial friend told me over dinner many moons ago how she lives for these ligaw-kilig moments. the kind where both parties involved engage in the flirtation dance in hopes of wooing each other's mind, soul and body. the kind that makes your toes curl and your heart flutter like those of a butterfly's wings. the kind that makes you ridiculously giddy like a frisky little puppy.
surely there's more to life than just these short-lived electric shocks of love (or is it lust)?
i equate these moments with sneezing tingles and that soothing sensation you get when you're cleaning your ears with cotton swabs. but with that out in the open, i must confess i love using eye drops because of how pleasurable it gets.
Thursday, October 31, 2002
11:44 a.m.
i'm still recovering from my pseudo halloween mini party last night. i'm alternating my jimik circle of friends now. last night was awie, popoy and gerard's turn.
i met up with gerard at quattro's earlier than planned so we had dinner and had a pseudo-date moment. it felt like it was a date except it wasn't. there were no romantic notes in the air but for a moment it felt like we stumbled upon an accidental awkward date that we both didn't really want. that was strange.
a couple of hours later and several glasses of sweetened iced tea, the drinking circle was complete. awie brought his girlfriend denise and popoy brought his unsettled heart. the best thing about going out with the boys is that they're game for anything. no fuss, no frills. just beer, trash talk and a lot of haha's.
of course five hours later, i come home all buzzed and wanting for my bed. the whole family was supposed to drive out of town this morning at 4 am to pay respects to our dead (particularly to nanay) but i can't remember what happened to me. i don't know if they tried to wake me up and couldn't or they didn't bother waking me up but they had all gone when i woke up. it was a scene straight out of twilight zone. it lasted about five minutes and then i snapped back into reality.
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
01:17 p.m.
survey says...
here is a compilation of some of the best worst breaking up opening lines:
"we need to talk."
"babe, its over."
"i don't think things are working out for us anymore."
"it's not you, it's me."
"i feel we are moving into two different directions."
"i don't think it's working out between us."
"are we ok?"
"i will always love you"
"i think we should just be friends."
"i feel like i love you more than you love me."
"how do you feel about being friends?"
"are you happy? do i make you happy?"
"you'll always be a sister/brother to me."
i'd ask you to add your own best worst breaking up opening lines but i can't figure out how you'd be able to comment on this page so we can have a little forum going on. can't be bothered to read up on it right now. in the meantime, you can just email me your thoughts, two cents, violent reactions, objections and observations.
slugstine@yahoo.com
speak to me. lie to me. entertain me.
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
01:55 a.m.
i just got in from a night out with ryan, apples and nicole. went rather well i think. ryan and apples seem to like each other a lot so things are looking pretty good. after all, that was the main objective of this evening. success!
i think i'm going to ease up on the drinking for the next few weeks. i cant decide which is better: going home all buzzed after spending five hours laughing, talking, goofing off and drinking bottles and bottles of beer in a small darkly lit smoke filled bar with my drinking buddies OR going home intellectually stimulated from a nice pleasant evening of good food, good coffee and good trashy conversations (re: gossip) with my best girl friends? hmm, no one said i couldn't have my cake and eat it too, right? i'll just have to alternate weeks then.
doors are once again opening for me. over dinner, apples has asked ryan to model for the morning fashion segments in her show. then she turns to me and asks me if i'd like to do a cooking segment with my betty crocker of a sister in the same show. doesn't sound like a bad idea. my sister would love the exposure not to mention she gets to display her baking/cooking skills. nicole mentions that they're looking to outsource some people for their creative team. very nice. i will be the first to know! yay!
i've got a people reading gig for this halloween too. things are looking pretty good. i desperately need the practice but i can't help but get all anxious and nervous about the whole thing. gerard tells me it'll be my initiation. to what? , i wonder. anyway, more exciting things to happen next week. i can't wait.
Monday, October 28, 2002
12:46 p.m.
i had the weirdest dream. nagpunta daw ako sa tagaytay at doon ako tumira ng ilang araw, wala lang, kasi malamig, kasi andon mga kaibigan ko, kasi mas masaya doon. natatandaan ko lang yung pagdumidilim na sa tinutuluyan kong lugar.
hindi ko maalala kung ano yung mga pinaggagawa namin kapag may araw na pero pag dumidilim na, doon na sumasaya. nagkukumpulan kami sa isang kwarto, naguusap, umiinom, nagtatawanan. mejo nakalimutan ko na kung ano pa yung mga nangyari basta ang pinakamalinaw sa isipan ko yung pag uwi ko ng manila. wala na nga akong trabaho at wala rin akong linya sa telepono. tapos andon si frances, nasa table kami at naguusap - sinasabi niya sa akin kung gaano kadali daw na magsalita para sa kanya ng ibat ibang dialects. sabi ko naman, paano nangyari yon eh hindi naman tayo bisaya o ilokano. wala naman daw, basta naiintindihan lang daw niya. iniisip ko na ang galing niyang tao kung ganon.
isipin mong kahit anong dialect or language ay naiintindihan lang niya agad. naisip ko nga, paano kung pagsalitain ko to ng french. makukuha kaya niya?
Monday, October 28, 2002
12:02 p.m.
my ears were bleeding this morning. i had a dream within a dream. in my dream i remember waking up the morning after from a long night out with friends. i look at the mirror like i usually do in the mornings and my face is spattered with blood. upon closer scrutiny i find the source of these blood spatters. my left ear. i stick my finger in there and i still see its bleeding. it was supposed to be another big day too. i look at my friends and no one could explain what happened that evening. i rush to my parents room and show them my ear. my dad starts freaking out like i was going to die. i look at my mom and she just gives me this dumbfounded look as if to say - well what do you want me to do? my dad rushes out of the room while i try to figure out what i can do to fix this. i grab a tissue and stuff it into my left ear. its still bleeding, now even more so than before. theres something wrong but i dont know what it is. the blood didnt really alarm me. it was the bleeding from my left ear that did.
Sunday, October 27, 2002
09:35 p.m.
i watched a snail crawl along the edge of straight razor. that's my dream. that's my nightmare. crawling, swiftly, along the edge of a straight razor and surviving.